Balloons in Sedona

Waking to the clear skies and sunshine of bright Sedona made crawling out of the sleeping bag in the back of my car practically inviting this morning. Stretching and luxuriating like a cat in the trunk of my little compact Prius, I cocked my head towards the northern window to see a plump yellow hot air balloon. Immediate delight! I slouched out of my car and saw another - two fat globules of promise in the sky.  After brushing my teeth I saw two more on the southern side. These newcomers were green and a bit more somber in appearance, but more tangible, so close I could imagine leaping into the sky to join their pilots.

As I looked at the sunny northern balloons I thought about where I'd been, especially on the road for this past month. All the adventures, landscapes, and generosity received. Turning to the south I imagined the future and work yet to be accomplished. I appreciated the mechanics it and manpower it took to get those balloons in the air, how early their inhabitants must have risen that morning to be airborne for the sunrise.

I looked at these joyous things and felt…stuck. It stinks to admit that even with all the beauty and good fortune in the world at my back, even when I feel everyone is on my team, there are still days racked with indecision and self doubt. Do the landscapes I've seen have value if I can't translate that awe into my daily life? Will the words of wisdom I've heard manifest as something beautiful? Do I trust myself to create, to give, to flourish - and what if the answer isn't "no" but simply becomes "no" by my lack of action?

Both feet in the sand in the desert of Sedona, feeling so small yet fully capable, a final balloon crested over my car directly west. Perfectly suspended between my two fears, this presence rose up and the sun that glinted off its red and yellow banner seemed to bless me in its reflection.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

If nothing else, I need to trust in that feeling of completion, that feeling of enough. Even if it's fleeting. Even if its synthetic.

It got me to the grace of the balloons this morning; I want to trust wherever it leads. And allow myself to be scared and hopeful, knowing I'll land somewhere on solid ground.

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